The stuff I don't wanna know could fill a book
Browsing through the "Best of" lists that define this time of the year, let me tell you the things I DON'T want to read, see and listen to:
Books:
1. Michael Pollan's The Omnivore's Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals . The Botany of Desire was one of the most overhyped books of a few years ago: Fool me once.
2. I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence Amy Sedaris . I received this as an Xmas gift and admit I was curious. But frankly the whole thing creeps me out. I'm stickin' with David.
3. The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream Barack Obama : On of the WORST titles I've ever heard, but my wife assures me it's worth reading.
4. Special Topics in Calamity Physics Marisha Pessl : Ok, she's a babe, but the title is oh so precious.
5. Mommy? Maurice Sendak : Sendak's an old Kook and his books scare children. I hate Where the Wild Things Are.
6. This I Believe: Personal Philosophies of Remarkable Men and Women Jay Allison : Ugh! The radio spots are bad enough! And I agree with the WSJ editor: these are not philosophies; I can find the same idiot ramblings on the editorial page of my local newspaper.
7. Myths, Lies, and Downright Stupidity: Get Out the Shovel--Why Everything You Know is Wrong John Stossel : John, you've got to get out of your comfort zone. Can someone embed this fella with the Marines in Iraq?
Not that I'm an Iraq junkie, but I have read and can recommend:
1. The Looming Tower: Al-Qaeda and the Road to 9/11 Lawrence Wright
2. Fiasco: The American Military Adventure in Iraq Thomas E. Ricks
3. The 9/11 Report: A Graphic Adaptation Sid Jacobson
Music
Ya, here's some more stuff I have no interest in:
1. Continuum , John Mayer : No question, he's a great guitarist, but I don't want to listen to his music.
2. Pearl Jam , Pearl Jam : zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
3. Highway Companion , Tom Petty : Huh? Did you say something? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
4. The Road to Escondido, J.J. Cale & Eric Clapton: Detour: Take the Road to Encenada
5. I'm Not Dead, Pink : No, but your career is.
6. Sam's Town , The Killers : "Somebody told me, you had a CD, that sounds like the eighties, that I listened February of last year...."
Movies
I'm limiting my comments to kids movies, since I have three daughters and these are the only movies I see any more. Movies my kids and me had no interest in seeing in 2006:
1. Ant Bully: Tom Hanks: you're golden, but we won't watch anything you produce - like The Polar Express, The Da Vinci Code and this thing that makes us think of Ants, which is a really bad movie. No, no, no... nevermind that it's not the same movie, it's still got the foul association with that other movie. Pass.
2. Barnyard The Original Party Animals: It's like Toy Story on a Farm!
3. Benchwarmers: Wait! It's got Rob Schneider, David Spade and the guy from Napoleon Dyno...
4. ...mite! And on the topic, nothing with Jack Black; no Nacho Libre, no Tenacious D, no The Holiday . We don't wanna see his big, muggy face fowl up another movie, 'stand?
5. Click: O boy, nothin spells funny like Adam Sandler!
6. Doogal: Ya, my kids weren't fooled by this sack of wet pooh. Few movies boast a cast including Jimmy Falloon, John Stewart, William Macy and Sir Ian McKellen (Sir Ian, I do believe you're phoning-it-in.)
7. Night at the Museum: Please, kill the comic wonder that is Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson in movies together.
8. The Shaggy Dog: Holy timewarp, Tim Allen still has a film career? Yes, and his worst offering this year was not The Santa Claus III: Escape Claus, but this Disney Re-do Doggy Doo-doo.
9. The Wild: Animals escape the NY zoo and stowaway to Africa. Madagascar: Animals escape the NY zoo and stowaway to Madagascar. Folks, I really don't give a shit which movie was "conceived" first. They're both derivative of any number of Pixar movies (think Nemo without the jokes). But neither can be worse than...
10. Happy Feet! Why? Cause I actually had to sit through this misery biscuit this afternoon at the cineplex.
(easy stomach)
Where do I begin? A penguin named Memphis that sings like Elvis (don't laugh, someone got paid millions to think that up). Nicole Kidman channeling Madonna as Breathless Mahoney (someone take back her Oscar). Robin Williams... robin williams... he does ALL voices; the Barry White smooth talking Lovelace, the Tony Montana chicano penguin, he even does the narration (no, it's not Morgan Freeman, but some bizarre riffing on Uncle Remus).
The story involves penguins finding their "inner song", and something tagged on about global warming. Rest assured, there's more singing and preaching than Dreamgirls. It starts with a medley of Heartbreak Hotel and Prince's Kiss and never lets go from there!
Can you hear the pitch? It's like March of the Penguins with animation and songs!
Bring me the head of the exec. that greenlighted this guano.
Browsing through the "Best of" lists that define this time of the year, let me tell you the things I DON'T want to read, see and listen to:
Books:
1. Michael Pollan's The Omnivore's Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals . The Botany of Desire was one of the most overhyped books of a few years ago: Fool me once.
2. I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence Amy Sedaris . I received this as an Xmas gift and admit I was curious. But frankly the whole thing creeps me out. I'm stickin' with David.
3. The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream Barack Obama : On of the WORST titles I've ever heard, but my wife assures me it's worth reading.
4. Special Topics in Calamity Physics Marisha Pessl : Ok, she's a babe, but the title is oh so precious.
5. Mommy? Maurice Sendak : Sendak's an old Kook and his books scare children. I hate Where the Wild Things Are.
6. This I Believe: Personal Philosophies of Remarkable Men and Women Jay Allison : Ugh! The radio spots are bad enough! And I agree with the WSJ editor: these are not philosophies; I can find the same idiot ramblings on the editorial page of my local newspaper.
7. Myths, Lies, and Downright Stupidity: Get Out the Shovel--Why Everything You Know is Wrong John Stossel : John, you've got to get out of your comfort zone. Can someone embed this fella with the Marines in Iraq?
Not that I'm an Iraq junkie, but I have read and can recommend:
1. The Looming Tower: Al-Qaeda and the Road to 9/11 Lawrence Wright
2. Fiasco: The American Military Adventure in Iraq Thomas E. Ricks
3. The 9/11 Report: A Graphic Adaptation Sid Jacobson
Music
Ya, here's some more stuff I have no interest in:
1. Continuum , John Mayer : No question, he's a great guitarist, but I don't want to listen to his music.
2. Pearl Jam , Pearl Jam : zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
3. Highway Companion , Tom Petty : Huh? Did you say something? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
4. The Road to Escondido, J.J. Cale & Eric Clapton: Detour: Take the Road to Encenada
5. I'm Not Dead, Pink : No, but your career is.
6. Sam's Town , The Killers : "Somebody told me, you had a CD, that sounds like the eighties, that I listened February of last year...."
Movies
I'm limiting my comments to kids movies, since I have three daughters and these are the only movies I see any more. Movies my kids and me had no interest in seeing in 2006:
1. Ant Bully: Tom Hanks: you're golden, but we won't watch anything you produce - like The Polar Express, The Da Vinci Code and this thing that makes us think of Ants, which is a really bad movie. No, no, no... nevermind that it's not the same movie, it's still got the foul association with that other movie. Pass.
2. Barnyard The Original Party Animals: It's like Toy Story on a Farm!
3. Benchwarmers: Wait! It's got Rob Schneider, David Spade and the guy from Napoleon Dyno...
4. ...mite! And on the topic, nothing with Jack Black; no Nacho Libre, no Tenacious D, no The Holiday . We don't wanna see his big, muggy face fowl up another movie, 'stand?
5. Click: O boy, nothin spells funny like Adam Sandler!
6. Doogal: Ya, my kids weren't fooled by this sack of wet pooh. Few movies boast a cast including Jimmy Falloon, John Stewart, William Macy and Sir Ian McKellen (Sir Ian, I do believe you're phoning-it-in.)
7. Night at the Museum: Please, kill the comic wonder that is Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson in movies together.
8. The Shaggy Dog: Holy timewarp, Tim Allen still has a film career? Yes, and his worst offering this year was not The Santa Claus III: Escape Claus, but this Disney Re-do Doggy Doo-doo.
9. The Wild: Animals escape the NY zoo and stowaway to Africa. Madagascar: Animals escape the NY zoo and stowaway to Madagascar. Folks, I really don't give a shit which movie was "conceived" first. They're both derivative of any number of Pixar movies (think Nemo without the jokes). But neither can be worse than...
10. Happy Feet! Why? Cause I actually had to sit through this misery biscuit this afternoon at the cineplex.
(easy stomach)
Where do I begin? A penguin named Memphis that sings like Elvis (don't laugh, someone got paid millions to think that up). Nicole Kidman channeling Madonna as Breathless Mahoney (someone take back her Oscar). Robin Williams... robin williams... he does ALL voices; the Barry White smooth talking Lovelace, the Tony Montana chicano penguin, he even does the narration (no, it's not Morgan Freeman, but some bizarre riffing on Uncle Remus).
The story involves penguins finding their "inner song", and something tagged on about global warming. Rest assured, there's more singing and preaching than Dreamgirls. It starts with a medley of Heartbreak Hotel and Prince's Kiss and never lets go from there!
Can you hear the pitch? It's like March of the Penguins with animation and songs!
Bring me the head of the exec. that greenlighted this guano.
posted by John Allore at 9:57 AM
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